like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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