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Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
