Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This is my gift to your gina
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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