I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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