hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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