I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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