Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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