Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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