so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
