I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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