we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
