We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
