i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
