Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
