You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
