Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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