Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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