I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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