I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
