I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
