I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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