well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
