do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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