This is not my ceiling
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
