Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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