Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
