I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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