Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
