he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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