did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
