In America we eat man semen.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
