He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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