Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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