whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
BRING THE BAGELS
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
