I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
