I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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