I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
