it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
