I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
