Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
