this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
