The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
