I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
