i love accidental penises.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
