it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
