the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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