How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
