We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
