Porn is love you can see.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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