And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
