They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
