I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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