I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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